It’s not a surprise that I’ve been in a funk. I would like to think that it’s just seasonal but at this point it feels like winter will never end, so who knows (cue freezing rain. Oh, never mind, it’s already here)…

I need to snap out of it. I know this. I also know that I’m my own worst enemy and my biggest cheerleader at the same time.

Last weekend I volunteered as a seamstress for The Cinderella Project of Kalamazoo. It’s a charity that collects donated formal dresses, shoes, and accessories, and then hands them out to high school girls who aren’t in a position to be able to afford them. I volunteered to bring my sewing skills (along with a car full of sewing junk) and put them to good use altering and repairing these dresses that the girls pick out so that they can go to prom. I was standing with one mom while her daughter was putting her picked dress on so I could pin it for alterations. The mom started crying and said “I thank you all so much for this!” And then told me that she was a disabled vet who couldn’t work and didn’t know how she was going to pay for her daughter’s prom and that because of this she was going to be able to go. I was so glad to be a part of it:

I was living off of that high while I scrubbed Lucas’ vomit off of the stairs, but the good feeling faded faster than the vomit smell in my house.

So tonight I was browsing the web and I found 100 Happy Days and have decided that I’m going to piggy back off of the idea. So here’s the deal: for the next 100 days I will be posting daily about something that day that made me happy. I’m going to do my best to also provide photographic evidence with my post as a way to hold my own self accountable and honest. Some days you may only be getting a photo and some days I’ll just burry it in a normal blog post. To my blog email subscribers: I hope you’re ready for 100 days of happy spam (set up some filters if you’re not).

Here’s to one hundred days to change my perspective!

….starting tomorrow because I’ve just spent 3 days cleaning up puke and assessing the need for an emergency room visit, I just paid my taxes, and got a repair bill for an entire heating and AC unit for our house in Arizona. So tonight I want to be tired and pissed, but tomorrow? Tomorrow, it’s time to move on.

I’ve realize, while posting my other 2 posts today, that I have a whole lot of photos that I haven’t put up.  At this point, a picture’s worth 1,000 words because I’m too lazy to tell you most of them myself.

Watching basketball with my sidekick and his snack cup

At the University of Michigan basketball game

It’s a little boy’s Lego heaven

Patio chairs inside. Where else would they be?

I’d keep pushing. Something’s bound to move out of your way eventually.

My shopping cart came with a tiny motor attached and no breaks. It probably plowed down 3 displays before I learned to never let go of it because shopping carts shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

On the beach of Lake Michigan

Yep, that’s solid ice behind us (for miles and miles)

the black dots are people. It’s unreal how iced over the lake is.

Mexican food is a hit. Though I shouldn’t be surprised for how much of it I ate while pregnant (mmmm…. enchiladas)

We just got back from Spring Break in Colorado and I’m just now getting around to taking the pictures off of my phone.  Why is it that when we take a trip I feel like I have to work overtime for a week to catch up? But I digress…

It’s never too early to teach Lucas the importance of Spring Break.  So we packed the family up and shipped down south to the warmer weather of…. Colorado.  I never thought that I would be traveling to Colorado to warm up.  Seriously, never.  Lucas slept on the plane for the first time in months, which was a refreshing change and I was even able to close my eyes myself.  That is, until my left arm and ass cheek fell asleep because I was too scared of waking the sleeping beast to move them for 3 hours.  Anyone who needs a good arm workout should just rest a sleeping toddler on it.  It’s a lot like holding a live land mine that could potentially explode at any second if you aren’t careful.

In Colorado we had a ski-in condo at the base of the resort and a Nana and G-pa who were loving every second of babysitting Lucas.  It was awesome.  Lucas went on wagon rides, watched Mickey Mouse, and counted to make sure all 10 toes were present (they were).  I’m not sure who had more fun.

All while we went skiing and enjoyed some awesome weather.  I hadn’t seen the sun in months.

Also while we were in Colorado, Lucas had his first projectile puke incident.  Luckily for my mom, it was when we were with her and all inside of her car.  While my mom is holding a butt naked baby wrapped in a jacket who is screaming at the top of his lungs, I’m scooping chunks out of his car seat and dry heaving in the parking lot of a gas station and my mom says to me “Oh yeah, I remember this age now.”  It cracked me up and made me feel the desperate need to apologize to her at the same time.  Instead, we just took Lucas home and I learned how to take apart his car seat:

Lucas was a rock star with the time change.  But one morning he woke up at 6 and that just wasn’t going to fly.  Anything before 8 may as well be the middle of the night in my mind.  So I brought Lucas into bed with us for the first time ever.  He hardly skipped a beat before he took over my pillow and snuggled up with his pacifier for the long haul.  He hasn’t woken up since and tried to get into bed with us, but I loved the snuggles so much that I’m not going to be able to say no to him if he does.  I’ve created a monster and I knew it immediately.

Unfortunately, it was time to go home too soon.  So we packed this little ball of energy up and played Mickey Mouse on repeat on the ipad until we landed back in the white cover of Michigan.  *sigh*

I’m not sure who’s ready to go back the most: Me, Lucas, or Angel.

This has been the worst winter that I can remember.  If I wasn’t snowed in, the roads were so bad that I didn’t want to drive in them with the baby in the car.  And if the roads were plowed it was only because a storm was coming within the hour.  I see the pictures now that I posted while we were snowed in, and I honestly would kill to only have that much snow to stare at.  In January we lost our patio furniture, and by February the presence of a bird bath was only in my mind.  The snow in my backyard has been feet deep for months.  And I’m over it.

I think seasonal depression set in some time around the end of February, and as it turns out I have very little patience left.  Lucas’ swear jar went into storage because I couldn’t afford to yell at my dog any more for eating the food that Lucas scattered around the family room as entertainment.  I haven’t sat on my couch in months because all I hear is “up! up! up!” from a tiny human when I do.

I’ve given it 4 months and 8 pounds and I just can’t be stuck in this house anymore.

This is where my mind is at when I woke up on the first day of spring.  The worst part is that I recognize that I’m in a funk, but I’m not sure what to do to get myself out of it.

So today I was at a play group with Lucas and one of the ladies was asking me what my plans are for my birthday tomorrow.  And honestly? I have none and no desire to change it.  Luckily she was persist ant and sent me a message after the group to say that she wants to do out and do something because birthdays are meant to be celebrated.  Why did it take someone I don’t know well to remind me that I need to snap out of it?  In the last week, the snow has melted outside enough to show a shred of grass as a sign that this cold spell is ending:

Mother Nature is reminding me (in 40 degree weather) that this too, shall pass.  It’s time for a new season, to hit the gym, and apologize to my poor dog for taking the brunt of my bad mood this winter.  It’s really not her fault that Lucas is using her as a step stool to get onto the couch.

And best of all, today is the first day of spring.  Today marks that I have officially survived winter.  It’s over.  We are all still alive and well and ready to dig out of our family room.  Lucas needs to learn that “boots” and “shoes” really aren’t the same thing and that it’s not normal to wear socks 24/7.

Unfortunately, our mailbox didn’t fare the winter as well.

I had my house professionally cleaned today…. And then my toddler woke up.

“

May this explain the month and a half of silence: I have a toddler now.

“We don’t hit the dog.”
“Please keep your pants on.”
“Take that out of your nose.”
And naturally, a lot of “no, No, NO- *sigh*”

>

Name: Lucas
Age: 15 months
Likes: Legos, splashing in the bath, and Mickey Mouse
Dislikes: things that don’t fit in his car, being force fed green foods, the stroller.

I’m around kids all day, it’s my new reality.  If it’s not my kid, it’s sick kids at the pediatricians office, play dates with other runny-nosed kids, getting coughed on by a kiddo giving me a hug: it’s all in a day’s work.  I would do anything for my son, and my dream for him is to be a happy, healthy, toddler who turns into a happy, healthy, productive member of society.  And if sticking him with a needle gives him better odds of being that, then by all means stick away.  But it’s not just about my son.  As was my desire to get myself and my husband vaccinated for the whopping cough it was also to get the flu shot this year, and here’s why:

Did you all see that news article last week about the mom in Texas who died at the age of 29 leaving behind 3 kids?  The thought is terrifying.  Not only of having 3 kids at my age, but of Lucas not having the opportunity to come find me when I hide under a blanket on the family room floor or telling his friends in school that “my mom made my lunch.”  Lucas deserves to have me around.

Jenny McCarthy who has decided that vaccinations hurt kids, and all of the selfish moms who agree with her and choose not to vaccinate their kids.  Yes, you read that right: selfish.  Their choice not to vaccinate their kid is bringing back all of these horrible diseases which otherwise would have been more or less eliminated (for lack of a better word).  But now?  My son is going to grow up in a world where he better hope that I kept up on his shots because his classmate is going to come down with a nasty case of whopping cough that’s not going to be diagnosed until his tree-hugging mother sends him to school sick for a week.

So if my son’s healthy future could possibly be tarnished by someone in his world getting sick, then by all means I can put aside my paralyzing fear of needles and would you like my left arm or my right?  And allow me to hold my son while you stick his leg because we’re going to do everything that we can in this house to make sure that my son gets the opportunity to tell me that I’m embarrassing him.

And THAT is why I got the flu shot today.

When we moved to Michigan this time last year there were a few things that I expected and a few that I didn’t.  Did: making new friends.  Didn’t: digging out my garage door for the 4th time in -5 degree temps so that I can close it.

Day 1: “This will be fun!”

The storm was expected to blow in Saturday afternoon so we adjusted a few plans, like Angel taking his brother back to Ann Arbor and me making sure that we have enough food for a day or two so that I didn’t have to go to the grocery store.  Sidebar: Ah, the value of retrospective knowledge.  It starts snowing on Saturday night and I’m a little excited going to sleep that night thinking that we’re going to have so much fun in the snow!

Day 2: “Don’t Drink My Wine”

Sunday I awake to 4 inches of snow on the ground and blizzard conditions starting outside.  Our sweet neighbor had just blown our driveway and walk for us and was doing his when I took over a gift basket and thank you note for taking care of our driveway the last time that it snowed.  I chatted with him for a few minutes and told him to enjoy the hot tea in the gift basket and to stay warm and let us know if they needed anything.

Around 11 I was texting Lindsey about the Friends marathon on TBS and she mentioned that she was sending her husband out for milk and diapers because all she had to drink was wine.  I told her that I was fine on the milk and diaper department but missed my boat for the alcohol that was going to be necessary.  And then I thought how perfect we would be if we lived next door to each other.  An hour later, I had just put Lucas to bed and was cleaning the kitchen watching the crazy snow come down when there’s a knock at my door and her husband was headed home from the store and was instructed to drop this off:

Beer Fairy, I love you

At this point it’s noon and the roads are just about closed, it’s really coming down, and now we have everything that we need to weather the storm.  I’m amazed as the snow keeps coming.

By 2pm, the snow is already to the seat on the chair and above my knee past the patio set

Because at this point we were still making margaritas out of the lemons that life gave us, we put our gifted beer and wine outside the sliding door because the walk from the couch to the fridge is so far when you’re being lazy.

By dinner time we’re getting bored.

“What’s for dinner?”

“Chicken and green beans.”

“Oh…. really?”

To mix things up a bit, after dinner I brought up the giant air mattress from the camping box in the basement.  I’m thinking that we could all pile on it and the couch and watch movies and have fun like you see the fake families on TV do.

Lucas loved it, and after 15 minutes of playing on it and giggling, he was so worn out and tired he was screaming at the top of his lungs…. an hour before his bedtime.  So, Lucas went to bed early because apparently spending all day with each other is exhausting. Kid, you’re a genius.

Angel retreats to his man cave to watch sports, and I continue my Friends marathon, chick flick movies, and head to bed with a good book around 9.  On my way to bed I yell down the basement stairs “I’m going to bed now.  Don’t drink my wine.” and the conversation continues like this:

Angel: “Why would I drink your wine?”

Me: “I don’t know.  I’m just telling you not to.”

Angel: “Did it look like I was going to drink your wine?”

Me: “I’m just telling you not to.”

Angel: “But why would you say that?”

Me: “I’m going to bed.  Don’t you dare drink my wine.”

Looks like the snow will be stopping a week from never

Day 3: Hide the sharp, pointy, objects

By this point I don’t remember what it feels like to leave the house and step outside of the garage.  There’s a whole world out there that I’ve forgotten about.  I think I even own a mailbox, though I can’t see it anymore.  Wasn’t there a road in front of the house?  And what happened to our patio set?  That’s right, it’s all under feet (plural) of snow.  Enter: “lake effect snow” which is west Michigan’s fancy way of telling you that you’re going to get so much snow that you’ll fight with your family over getting toilet paper out of the basement.

Angel was taking trash out through the garage but there was so much snow that the door wouldn’t close.  So he “closes” it manually and comes back inside for a work meeting.  4 hours later there is snow in our garage and we’re bickering about who’s going to go deal with the door.  It’s clearly a 2 person job so we’re standing outside in -5 degree weather with a wind chill of -35 yelling at each other about how to clear the snow and close the door.  It’s really rather shocking that no one was hit by the snow shovel.  And then the door gets closed.

Molly refuses to go to the bathroom outside anymore.  I think she’s afraid that she’s going to get buried in the snow and I do see her concerns there.  the snow is now up to my hip, but it’s not like I care anymore because it’s so cold.

I am in hell, and it has just frozen over.

Lucas doesn’t want to play with his toys anymore.  He doesn’t want to eat, and he now has diaper rash and doesn’t want to be changed.  He doesn’t want to play upstairs, he won’t let me clean the kitchen, and Angel is moving from room to room trying to find somewhere quiet to work.

I contemplate walking anywhere just to get out of the house, but since that would require showering I quickly decide it’s not worth it.

I’ve finished my Kindle book, my ipad is dead, and I’ve seen every show and movie on DVR.  There is only so much Mickey Mouse Clubhouse that one can stand and I’m at my limit.  I’m boooooored.  Christmas is put away, Valentines Day decor is up, and I have the cleanest house on the street.

Angel must be feeling my boredom because we’re picking fights over nothing just so we have something to do. “Did you move my powercord from the floor over here to the floor over there?!”

And for the love of God, if Molly and Lucas don’t stop fighting, I’m going to throw one of them in the snow.

(s)he started it!

Before bedtime Lucas was running laps around the coffee table and then running to the front window and back again.  He clearly has cabin fever and has some energy that would be better spent throwing a temper tantrum in the baking aisle of the grocery store if we could ever leave the house.

Day 4: We are coming undone

Tomorrow starts day 4 of being snowed into the house with each other.  We’re running low on milk, wine, and patience.

Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and think that can’t be accurate?

The holidays have passed, so it’s time for everyone to directly throw out their scales before anyone or anything gets set on them.  Save yourself the ego hit and the lofty goals to join a gym and step away from the peppermint chocolate cookies.  Or hell, just finish up the cookies quickly and throw away the trash before anyone notices.

I’ve been thinking of ways to fit back into my wardrobe and after some Google searching I’ve decided that this guy has the right idea:

And I probably have a few baby magnets that I can sacrifice to the cause.

All of this because, according to this BMI chart, I’m too short.