Monthly Archives: May 2012

14 Weeks and Counting

I really feel like I’ve started half-assing this trimester of pregnancy.  I’m writing about being 14 weeks pregnant today, but that’s about 4 days late and a few dollars shorter.  I’ve also forgotten to take my prenatal vitamin more days then I would like to openly admit and I think I ate healthier before I was knocked up.  But you know what?  I’m doing my best and I have faith that that’s going to be enough…  Until my kid blames his C in Algebra on the Tuesday I forgot to take my prenatal vitamin while he was 14 weeks in my belly.  And you know what I’ll say then? “You’re Welcome.”


So let’s get on with it because I know all of you non-pregnant readers are just dying to know how miserable I’ve been this week.


So my baby is 3 1/2 inches long.  That’s about the size of a fist, unless you have giant man hands and then it’s about the size of my fist.  Take that.  I’m also starting to notice a decrease in the crap symptoms from the first trimester.  Except for morning sickness because DEAR GOD let’s not let that one go anywhere.  I don’t, however, feel liked warmed over ass 100% of the time anymore.  It’s only about 43% of the time now.  ‘Tis a pregnancy miracle!


That’s about it.  I have a little more energy but I can’t venture too far from my bathroom still.  Do I have the “glow” yet?  Oh no, that’s just the sweat from trying to shove my giant ass into my jeans before work this morning in a move I acquired from the WWE.  You know what else doesn’t look right?  My shirt.  It’s like “aww!  Cute carb belly, but geeze hit the gym from time to time.”




You know what else we’ve been doing?  Everything baby!  We said all along that we were going to wait until the second trimester before we started really planning for baby, and I feel like we really took off running.  We were declared second trimester last Monday, purchased a car last Tuesday, cleaned out the garage for future baby storage on Saturday and started painted the nursery on Sunday.


We also broke down and hired house cleaners, whom I love, who are coming today.  You know why house cleaning day is so wonderful?  I never come home to work when Angel’s been there to a clean house.  Love

Baby Gift

Angel bought the baby a present this week:



But since our baby can’t drive for a few more months, Momma’s going to enjoy it instead.


The baby is excited to have a car to come home from the hospital in, he just doesn’t know it yet…

Second Trimester Bliss

Yesterday I went in for my 12 week appointment (even though I’m actually 13), and I have to say that it was probably the best yet!  We heard the heartbeat for the first time (we’ve only ever seen it thus far), got the due date moved up 2 days (November 25th now!!), and was officially declared second trimester.  When I asked what that meant about miscarriage risks now, his answer was “there’s always a risk, but you’re going to deliver this baby.”  Further proof that it’s okay to keep calling this one our “take home baby.”

And because I can’t shut up about my pregnancy and this is the internet so I’d like to see someone try and stop me, I’m going to further talk the talk.

I can’t stand the stupid bean and fruit comparisons: “This week your baby is the size of a kidney bean!” “This week your baby is the size of a small plum!”  So I’m going to make up my own yummy craving-inducing comparisons.  Starting now.  This week my baby is the size of a jumbo shrimp (mmmmmm), or a very small ramekin of tartar sauce.  I’m also growing amazing, gorgeous, strong nails like a super hero.  I see 6 more months of manicures in my future to show these puppies off.

Most pregnancy books still call week 13 part of the first trimester, but they can suck eggs, frankly.  They also say that maternity clothes may just start to make an appearance this week, which I find funny because I’ve been wearing maternity pants for at least 2 weeks now.  I decided that my baby shouldn’t be confined to restricting waist bands just because some book tells me so.

You know what else I’ve learned?  Step away from Google, crazy lady.

Blog-life Crisis

In an effort to prove that I haven’t completely given up on my blog, I’ve decided to talk it into a blog-life crisis.  As part of this mid-blog crisis, has undergone extensive plastic surgery to attract a younger, hipper, blog with larger posts.


I’m not done yet, so expect more in the near future and stay tuned as I gear back up my extensive postings about random things no one thinks are funny except me.

I’m Still Here!

Sorry for my blogging hiatus.  I haven’t been feeling well so I’ve been molding my ass to the shape of my couch and I swear it will all make sense in a few days.

In the mean time, allow me to share another glorious blog post from The Bloggess that I only wish I was creative enough to come up with on my own.  Enjoy!



Remember last month when I added Ermione Granger to my collection of ethically taxidermied creatures who look great in clothes?  And then I said the next step would be to find Ron Weasel-y and then Victor threatened to divorce me if I didn’t stop buying dead animals?

Well, my marriage is still intact because this morning I woke up to find a very special surprise package from my friend, Lindsay.



Honestly, it’s like they were made for each other.
Next step…Draco Mousefoy.