This commercial seriously makes me cry every time I see it.  The marketing people must test their commercials on a room full of first-time, sleep deprived, moms and as soon as we cry go: "Yep, nailed it."

I don’t feel like writing all about my weekend in Chicago yet (plus, I don’t have time), so here are photos of the trip and I’ll write about it tonight after I unleash a teething baby on daddy.

I’ve been running around all day, and now it’s 11 o’clock and everyone in my house is asleep except me.

Naturally.

I have a “To Do” list that’s so long I’m not even sure how to calm my mind down enough to write about what I’ve been doing.  So today I finally got around to taking my car in for it’s first oil change.  my car, much like my baby, are both growing up 😦  Lucas started sitting up on his own.  Granted it’s only for about 5 seconds before he leans to the side and falls over, but he doesn’t even cry when he falls over he just rolls around and giggles.  He giggles and smiles constantly, he can grab onto our fingers and pull himself up to stand, he jumps, he grabs toys that are in front of him, he coos…. My baby is just so smart.  Last night when he was laying in bed with us cooing I teared up a bit at the thought of how smart he is and how proud of my little dude that I am.

When I was getting my oil changed this afternoon there was an older lady sitting in the waiting area waiting for her car as well.  Lucas was going crazy with the yells and coos, and noises while he was rolling all over the place and sticking toys in his mouth.  I politely told the old lady that if his noises bother her to please let me know and I can take him for a walk.  She laughed and said “Honey, those are the best noises in the world!” and spent the rest of the time I was there eating him up at how cute he was.  She made the comment to me about an hour into my waiting adventure that you can tell that he is a very well cared for baby who is happy.  I smiled and told her that I hope so and in my mind I was doing back flips because I certainly have the days where I feel like I didn’t play with him enough, cuddle with him enough, or you name it enough.  Especially with the move and an entire house to unpack I feel like he gets set on the ground to be on his own for far too long.  No real damage done, I suppose.

And then I ran errands, cleaned my kitchen, washed all of the laundry, picked up the house, and finished unpacking the last real room that I had left.  I started putting the little nick-knacks away and hanging pictures and everything up.  It made it feel about 5% more like home but at this point I would take 0.5% because this place just doesn’t feel like home.

Because I’m still 110% homesick for Arizona, I booked my flights tonight to go home May 16-24.  First, I should probably stop calling Arizona “home” by instinct, and second, I AM SO EXCITED!  I just want to be in the sun.  I want to spend time with my friends and my brother and I just want to be in an environment where I feel comfortable because I still feel like a fish out of water here.

Speaking of the tundra that I now live in, it snowed on Saturday.  Which really sucked, but the silver lining is that Lucas can now attend college with the money I owe his swear jar.  The weather has been so beautiful, that here’s a photo of the grocery store parking lot at noon with the FREAKING STREET LIGHTS ON because it’s so dark.  It’s also pouring rain which adds a whole new challenge to not waking up a baby and still get him out of the car and into the store.  Again, with the swear jar.

Lucas has entered the foot stage.  He grabs them, plays with them, tries to put them in his mouth.  in fact, I don’t think I have many photos of him this week where he isn’t grabbing his toes.

Except this one, which is quickly becoming a Lucas favorite.  This pretty much sums up how my days are spent and what a playful little hairball I’m raising:

I guess now that I have my house unpacked I should take a few pictures.  Maybe I’ll get on that this week.  Let me just add it to my loooooong list of crap that I need to do but probably will forget all about as soon as I turn my computer off.

Oh hey, guess what?  I finally found out who would buy a large bathing suit top and a small bottom: Someone who is nursing a growing boy.  Not that I don’t appreciate my boobs out to here, but I don’t appreciate them and wouldn’t be one who complains if the life gets sucked out of them as soon as I’m done nursing.

Molly got a bath today.

This really isn’t one of my most polished and organized posts, but that probably just goes to show you how scattered my mind really is at the moment.

And lastly, there was something funny and witty that I was planning on saying but now for the life of me I can’t even remember what it was about.  So with that, I bid you all a good night.  And I also apologize for the boring and confusing post.  Except I’m not sorry.  So there.

I wish that I could just get past this feeling of what I miss in Arizona because it would make my life a lot easier.  I’m trying my best to embrace what Michigan has to offer, but when I spend all day alone with overcast skies in a house that doesn’t feel like mine it’s just not happening.  I feel like the only thing that I have really embraced is being able to stay home with Lucas.  Other than that, I spend my time on Facebook reading with envy what all of my friends are doing (usually together) and calling and texting those who now live over 1,000 miles away.  I just can’t get past my dream house in Chandler, my pool that’s warming up, the cloudless blue skies, the lady who would cut and color my hair, and the job that gave me a sense of identity and pride.  And I hated my job so that’s really saying something.

I’ve met a few stay at home moms so far.  I feel like I may have more in common with my patio set then some people who I’ve met, but I’m doing my best to explore different outlets and try to fill my time while I mark lines on the wall like a prisoner waiting to be released.

And then I remember that I felt exactly this way when I moved to Arizona until I met Erica and things seemed to turn around.  So where’s my dorm floor meeting for me to meet someone who can help me turn the experience around?

It goes without saying: I’m homesick.

This week I asked Angel if it would be okay if I went to Arizona to visit some friends.  Luckily, I have a husband who is very supportive and probably doesn’t like to hear me complain about being lonely anymore because he said that he thought it was a great idea.  I’ve already planned to attend a wedding, a pool party, a place to stay, a happy hour, a couple of lunch dates, a play date with Lucas, and a list of other friends who I would like to see.  And I haven’t even booked my flights yet.  Proof that I have an underlying need to go let Arizona recharge my battery.

God bless all of the frequent flyer miles that our credit card earned last year that we couldn’t take because I was on pregnant travel lock-down.  I’ve only been here 4 months and I’ve already burned through half of them.

I miss home.  And no matter how hard I try, this just doesn’t feel like home.