I wish that I could just get past this feeling of what I miss in Arizona because it would make my life a lot easier. I’m trying my best to embrace what Michigan has to offer, but when I spend all day alone with overcast skies in a house that doesn’t feel like mine it’s just not happening. I feel like the only thing that I have really embraced is being able to stay home with Lucas. Other than that, I spend my time on Facebook reading with envy what all of my friends are doing (usually together) and calling and texting those who now live over 1,000 miles away. I just can’t get past my dream house in Chandler, my pool that’s warming up, the cloudless blue skies, the lady who would cut and color my hair, and the job that gave me a sense of identity and pride. And I hated my job so that’s really saying something.
I’ve met a few stay at home moms so far. I feel like I may have more in common with my patio set then some people who I’ve met, but I’m doing my best to explore different outlets and try to fill my time while I mark lines on the wall like a prisoner waiting to be released.
And then I remember that I felt exactly this way when I moved to Arizona until I met Erica and things seemed to turn around. So where’s my dorm floor meeting for me to meet someone who can help me turn the experience around?
It goes without saying: I’m homesick.
This week I asked Angel if it would be okay if I went to Arizona to visit some friends. Luckily, I have a husband who is very supportive and probably doesn’t like to hear me complain about being lonely anymore because he said that he thought it was a great idea. I’ve already planned to attend a wedding, a pool party, a place to stay, a happy hour, a couple of lunch dates, a play date with Lucas, and a list of other friends who I would like to see. And I haven’t even booked my flights yet. Proof that I have an underlying need to go let Arizona recharge my battery.
God bless all of the frequent flyer miles that our credit card earned last year that we couldn’t take because I was on pregnant travel lock-down. I’ve only been here 4 months and I’ve already burned through half of them.
I miss home. And no matter how hard I try, this just doesn’t feel like home.