Dear Huggies Diaper creator,

If the American Association of Pediatrics still recommends feeding your child more than once a day, then kindly send me the cost of my last load of laundry, the carpet cleaner that I just used, and the bleach wipes that are necessary to clean up what your diapers fail to catch.  Every time.

Kindly (and by that I mean “shove your diapers”),

Christina