October | 2012 | What Lies Within

Before I start a productive post this week I would like to take a minute to list all of the things that I’m not going to miss about being pregnant:

Tums. Good riddance
Not wearing my wedding ring
Tiny feet in my ribs at odd hours of the night
Using the bathroom 5 times a night
Sensitive gag reflex
Restricted diet

In case that list doesn’t make the point clear, I’m starting to get frustrated with being uncomfortable, throwing up, peeing, and being kicked by someone who I can’t ask to stop (not that I imagine he’s going to listen, anyway).

Think I’m kidding about popping Tums like Skittles?

The travel one for my purse, the normal one for the nightstand, and the Costco big sister one to feed the other two bottles and sit as a reminder on my bathroom counter that acid reflux SUCKS

Screw you, acid reflux.

On to a more exciting and less angry topic: What all of this is for! Our baby is 17 inches, and tips the scales at over 4 pounds. “His skeleton is hardening” ….. You don’t say. Except for his skull, which will expand and grow to fit his enormously brilliant brain as he gets older. It’s a good thing his head will grow to accommodate his brain because someone’s going to have to show me how to use the electronic devices of the future!

I think his moves are visible from space.

And I’m starting to FREAK OUT that there is an actual baby inside of me instead of just a hypothetical concept of a baby. Obviously I knew I was pregnant and how this all works, but I’ve been so focused on keeping him in that it hit me this week like a tiny Tasmanian Devil that this is really happening and he is going to have to eventually come out. And (I’m just going to come out and say it), when I realized that I’m never going to sleep in again, it will never just be Angel and I again, and NOTHING will be the same, I started to question if this is really what I want. Obviously it is, this is just what new mom panic looks like for me. All of that time that I spent decorating my house? My child is about to redecorate with puke, toys, and mismatched food stains. I’m never going to know what a clean and decorated house feels like again. And then I feel ENORMOUSLY guilty for even questioning if I want this little man because OBVIOUSLY I do. I just clearly don’t handle this much change as well as I did when this little guy was just a hypothetical baby in my belly the last 8 months and the changes were hypothetical as well.

My baby at 33 weeks:

You have no idea what I have planned, mom.

So here I am: Mom of the Year.

This realization came yesterday when I was at the doctor and he pulled out a calendar, pointed to a specific date, and asked how I felt about being induced then. Granted this all depends on my body showing signs of getting ready for labor by November 18th, but Holy Crap! this is really happening. And then he gave me a speech about nursing, what to expect with a newborn, and signs that I now need to be looking for as indicators that I need to go directly to the hospital. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. So this is really happening, huh? I must have looked panicked because he told me that “universally, babies born after 32 weeks do just fine” and then looked at my chart and informed me that I was 33 so I’m just keeping him out of the hospital now. All righty- so this is all going to happen? huh

Before this panic yesterday, I was planning on talking about how we got the rest of the nursery furniture and I nested the room to beautiful perfection, but now it all seems totally futile when I ask you all if you KNEW THIS LITTLE GUY WAS ACTUALLY EXPECTED TO COME HOME WITH ME AT THE END OF THIS?! Right, because he’s my son who’s first few words will probably include calling me mom. Which clearly can’t be right because “Mom” is my mom, not me. And when he says mom, I’m immediately going to be on the look out for her: Really? where?

yadda, yadda, the room’s ready, yadda

So panic. Got it covered.

This makes me appreciate Angel not showing emotion as openly as I do. Can you imagine 2 of me in my house instead of just me and someone laughing at me, calling me crazy, and finally annoyingly telling me: “it’s fine, babe.” I can’t imagine how I would feel if I started freaking out about the obvious and Angel jumped on board with an “Ohmygod! What do we do?!” One of us needs to be calm, and I think I’ve demonstrated in the last 847 words that that is not me. Clearly.

2 and a half weeks of work left. That’s all. And then I get a few weeks off to panic some more. And then there’s going to be, like, a baby, or something. That I’m going to have to take care of. Well I’ll be damned. This is really happening.

OR, I could be the first woman who ever keeps her child in utero forever. Option 2 sounds safer. How do I arrange that?

I am now 32 weeks. This marks the start of theoretical healthy baby delivery window as a 32 week baby can be born in my planned hospital with only level 2 NICU (short term oxygen and monitoring). At this point, every day that little man stays in there are 2 days that he doesn’t have to spend in the hospital! He’s just about a few ounces shy of 4 pounds and 16 inches long. He’s starting to get pretty crowded in there and I now feel every roll, hiccup, and thumb sucking that Mini Me is doing. And in more exciting news, my pregnancy book says that I should be gaining about a pound week now, “at least half of which goes directly to the baby.” So who’s in for an all-you-can-eat buffet for lunch? Bring it on! Here’s another funny tidbit from pregnancy books: “He now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz).” The writer of this is clearly not living in my night stand drawer where I hide my Tums for easy access in the middle of the night, nor is s/he reading my blog where I complain about how I’m convinced that I have a hairy baby. Peach fuzz….. psh!

Sssshh…. He’s sleeping

My belly is starting to get so big that I’m having to retire some maternity clothes that aren’t long enough. I haven’t gone through them all yet, but I can just about guarantee that the shirts that no longer fit are the cutest ones. And speaking of large belly, THANK YOU, GOD for my pregnancy pillow! What once started as a trick to not sleep on my back, has now turned into the most amazing invention ever supporting my back and belly so I can fake comfort and get at least a few hours of sleep between bathroom breaks. I feel like that’s all I do now- pee. I’ve lost track of how many times a night I wake up to use the bathroom, but at one point I know there were 4. Feels like more than that now. ‘Tis a pregnancy miracle!

My awesome sister-in-law and mom threw me an adorable baby shower on Saturday! It was so adorable without being too much and I was completely overwhelmed with the generosity and support that I felt from everyone around me. It’s so comforting and emotional to know that I have so many friends and family who already love our little man as much as Angel and I do, and he’s not even born yet! Here’s my sister’s blog where she writes about all of the amazingness that was my shower. Swing by to check it out!

Speaking of emotional train wrecks- oh, were we not? Well lets. On Sunday I drug my mom to Buy Buy Baby to purchase the last few items off of our registry that we think we need when the munchkin comes home. Side note: I totally got it all within budget!!! So anyway, then I took my mom to the airport and made it about half way home before I started sobbing. Why? Yeah, no idea. Maybe it’s because I miss my parents, or because I’m so tired because I wake up every hour to pee, or maybe it’s just the anxiety of knowing that we’re rounding the bases home, or maybe it’s just my hormones getting in that last little jab while they still can. Your guess is as good as mine. And then I started thinking about Angel being able to hold Mini Me and I started crying harder (as if it was possible). When I got home Angel was still out at the football game, so I went up to the nursery with Molly and started putting away baby things and organizing. When I was done I took a seat in the famous La-Z-Boy and picked up one of the new baby books that I have and started reading it. WARNING: Do not real Love You Forever until emotionally stable! After the first page, I had to put it down because I was sobbing and Molly was looking at me like she was a little concerned I was going to forget to feed her in my emotional state.

Not even the start of what we got

And before I forget, I have to brag about the diaper cake that my mom made! It’s adorable and I’m so touched that she thought to make me one because I always make them for everyone. She even had to google how, which makes the cake even more adorable and I may just cry thinking about it.