It would appear that my loathed scorpions have mastered a counter attack in response to my throw down last week.

Game on.

We haven’t gone outside with a black light in a few days (and by “we” I really mean “Angel”).  The last we went out was the day that we turned our backyard into a toxic wasteland and we only found one.  We then trusted the chemicals that were used by the pest control company.

In the words of the movie Pretty Woman: “BIG mistake.  Big.  Huge.”

Last night I sent Angel out during a break in the Olympics armed with his typical black light, stick, and can of scorpion spray while I started making popcorn (because hey, I’m pregnant and it sounded good.  Don’t judge).  He comes back in a few minutes later and says “hey babe, you’re going to want to see this.  There’s a scorpion with babies on their back!”

Gross, gross, and more gross.  Just so you get an idea, this is what it looks in the dark with a black light (except moving):

I’m also learning so much more about scorpions that I never cared about. For instance, they have about 30 babies at a time.  30.  Take a minute and let that soak in.  That’s at least 2 weeks worth of scorpions all in one place at one time armed to kill my dog or my unborn child or perhaps even us seeing as how these are bark scorpions and the most poisonous kind.

So naturally, Molly comes out of her dog door to see why Angel and I are both in the backyard. Not the time to decide not to follow commands, dog! So I turn around, yell a quick “Molly, wait!” and she stops dead in her tracks across the yard just watching us while I tell Angel to unload the whole damn can of spray and bark a lot of other commands like I’m choreographing a musical in my backyard.

Angel said he couldn’t see if they all died or not because there was too much white foam from the spray, but just for good measure he came back a few minutes later to cut the head off of the mom with his stick.

It’s all just too gross for words.  But last night’s death toll was by far our highest yet: about 32.

So this morning I called pest control company number 2, hired them to come starting on Monday, and threw up a little bit in my mouth at the thought of more freaking scorpions in my house.

I used to think that the 90’s movie Mousehunt about 2 grown men tearing their house down trying to kill a mouse was stupid.  I mean, who goes to those lengths to kill something so small?  I now just believe that they were misunderstood homeowners at the end of their rope.

You can’t say I didn’t warn them